Have you ever been in a meeting where one person dominates the conversation on a regular basis, but no one says anything? Everyone knows Joe is a talker, but since he is a partner in the business no one is willing to stop him when he starts one of his filibusters about something that he is upset about, but of course, is not on the agenda.
Entering the danger means finding a way to speak up instead of becoming resentful and frustrated by meetings that are ineffective. Often others are experiencing the same frustration.
One way to ‘enter the danger’ in this scenario would be:“Joe, can I speak with you about something that is bothering me.” **
Make sure Joe is open to talking, has the time and understands that what you are sharing is difficult for you. Once Joe agrees to talk, then provide your observations and the impact it is having on you.
“In the last three meetings I have observed you bringing up topics that have not made the agenda and taking a large portion of the time to share your views without any other input – I find myself shutting down and not able to listen to your concerns when that happens. I wanted to speak to you about it because your opinion is valuable to me but I have been finding it hard to listen.” **
Of course, you might get fired, you might get a defensive reaction or you might be surprised to discover that Joe had no idea he was having a negative impact.
That’s called Entering the Danger. It’s not easy but it’s critical to creating success on teams and in relationships. Anything else will eventually erode away at productivity and trust.
** These are my words and just suggestions. Of course, you need to find your own voice, and remember, don’t water down the content. Share The Kind Truth about the impact.
CrisMarie Campbell and Susan Clarke
Coaches, Business Consultants, Speakers and Authors of The Beauty of Conflict
CrisMarie and Susan work leaders and teams, couples in business, and professional women.
They help turnaround dysfunctional teams into high performing, cohesive teams who trust each other, deal with differences directly, and have clarity and alignment on their business strategy so they create great results.
Check out their website: www.thriveinc.com. Connect with CrisMarie and Susan on LinkedIn. Watch their TEDx Talk: Conflict – Use It, Don’t Defuse It! Find your copy of The Beauty of Conflict: Harnessing Your Team's Competitive Advantage here.