“Anyone who wears a tiara and sequins is always going to be the winner.”
“I can’t help if I’m beautiful, and intelligent, and talented, and successful, can I?”
“I don’t like waiting for people. People wait for me, not the other way around, okay?”
All spoken by Masha, from the play Vanya and Sonia and Masha and Spike.
Masha is a beautiful, successful, sexy, millionaire movie star and…a DIVA.
She fills the room with her radiant presence.
She’s sensual and walks with grace, swinging her hips.
Her self-involvement can drive everyone nuts.
When you sense a hint of her vulnerability or self-doubt, she immediately shifts her mindset to reassure herself she’s okay.
I, CrisMarie, was cast as Masha! Masha expects to be adored. She’s used to being the star, and loves being the star and does whatever it takes to make sure she continues to be the star.
Playing Masha I had to:
talk lower, slower… and grander.
be in my body and move from my hips.
connect to my own radiance and self-importance.
take my time because Masha rushes for no one.
believe everyone was there to see me.
During the rehearsal process I struggled to find the Diva Masha in me. It took me until Tech rehearsal (the night before opening) to find my Masha! Let’s just say I had to literally go through a dark night of my soul.
The Wednesday before our Saturday opening night Susan went to Seattle. That afternoon I decided I better log-on to the business bank account. When I did, there was much less money in there than I thought. I spiked into an anxiety/panic scarcity attack.
“Oh my god, what are we doing?!
We don’t have enough money.
We don’t have enough clients.
We’re spending way too much money on marketing. What is it getting us?!
We have to cut expenses NOW!”
A part of me panicked and was screaming internally “You should be very, very, very afraid!! You need to take action, any action NOW!!!!!”
Yet, I knew I didn’t want that part of me driving my actions.
Then, the next day, I joined our corporate client’s all day offsite by phone (yes 8 hours!). Susan was there in person. Midday, I took a break to coach another personal client, who was sharing all her business successes. We celebrated her achievements, but something in me started to poke at me from the inside.
“Look how well she’s doing.
You’re not doing that well.
You aren’t very good at this.
You’re never going to be successful.”
A few minutes after the coaching call, I was plunged into a pit of despair. So much so that when I rejoined our corporate client call, I was comparing our business strategy to our client’s Fortune 100 business and further falling into depression. How could we compete, really?
When I got to rehearsal that night, I felt disconnected, not good enough, and jangled. I was swimming in depression, self-doubt, and feeling not good enough.
After rehearsal, the director pulled me aside and said, “Masha was NOT in the house tonight and she’s the star of the play. She comes in and changes everything. If you don’t bring her energy, the rest of the cast has nothing to work off of – FIND MASHA!”
That night, I woke up at 4AM struggling… “How do I recover a sense of okay-ness? This is horrible. I feel trapped. How do I get out of my own hell?”
Then I remembered the teachings of Mama Gena’s and the power of the feminine. Women are literally built for pleasure, but we’ve been brainwashed into operating like men and focus on efficiency, achievement, productivity. So I remembered that the quickest way back to sanity is through pleasure, which starts with the body – to love my body and myself.
I gave myself a wonderful, sensual experience, in the wee hours. The next morning the day started very differently!
And for the next three nights, Masha was in the house!! People were amazed at how beautiful, radiant, and powerful I was on stage.
I want to share with you what I learned from being a DIVA.
First things first, WEAR A TIARA, like I am right now as I am typing this! Why not?!
Focus on YOUR PLEASURE FIRST, not your to-do’s, or other people’s pleasure.
LOVE YOUR BODY. Really…reach up right now and touch your cheek lovingly. Doesn’t that feel soft.
Your TIMING IS PERFECT. You are always in the right place at the right time.
When you start to doubt, nip it in the bud. INTERRUPT YOUR DOUBT with some pleasure or self-care.
TAKE YOUR TIME. We women respond more slowly. When you get up to walk to the bathroom, move more slowly and move your hips. Yummmm…
Don’t focus on self-acceptance. Masha believes in SELF-CELEBRATION!
I’d encourage you to not to wait until you have a dark night of the soul or the wee hours of the morning to embrace your DIVA. She’s right here waiting for you to tap into her! Be a DIVA!
Goodbye Darling,
DIVA CrisMarie
P.S. Want to coaching to access your DIVA? I’d be happy to help you embody your radiant, sexy, powerful self in your own life. Schedule a complimentary confidence clarity session.
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